NOXPURPOSEXLOVE
to Stephan
Please let me go
Please let blow
Please let me glow
Please let me say no
​
I was here
Waiting for you to hold my hand
Seeing other men
to feel here.
​
7 years always the same sentence
I LOVE YOU
But what does Love have to do in here?
When you love someone
You do all that you have in your power to be with that person.
I flew twice to you,
you never came.
Saying I want you
And Acting like you don't want
Why are you excepting me to willing you
When you clearly tell me that we will never be together.
WHYXFIGHT
To Vlad
Should I be hurt?
Should you be trust?
Thousands of questions rushing to my brain
Thousands of thoughts disturbing my peace.
Is that you or is it all the men before you
that brought me to this state
Where nothing worth to fight.
Fight for what ?
Fight for loving you?
Fight for being loved?
​
​
HURTXWHY
to my last daters
I was a closed flower
Feeling comfortable in the dark
You brought some light
I thought it could help me grow.
Once I opened up
my inner shades showed up
Instead of watering me
You set me on fire
and now that I have no more shades
only one color, black
now that I'm as dry as my tears
You are wondering why
I chose Loneliness to your company.
​
SADXTRUTH
inspired by Marc
I've enough of being a dreamer
So I'm making sure that I live in a dream world
But all my choices are mistakes
an are leading me to my own death
Feeling loved for a moment
Feeling hurt forever.
You were different,
your face was pale and pure,
You trusted me, I made you proud
I love you were your last words
But what you really meant was goodbye
I will never see you again.
DAILYXBIRTH
At night it is hard to find my way to bed,
In the morning it is way harder to go out of bed.
It is easier to die, than to born.
If it is fertile and if there is no complication,
During nine months after a shared bed, Our belly grows up,
Our entire body swells up,
And for long hours,
Sometimes a day,
The magic is operating,
The delivery of a new life.
This life that took so long to be created can disappear at any time,
as quick as a wink.
​
"All praise is for Allah who gave us life after having taken it from us and unto Him is the resurrection."
That is what muslims say waking up.
​
At night we're dying
In the morning we born.
Let's take this new day
as a new birth
a new chance to forgive
a new chance to love
a new chance to cry
a new chance to laugh
a new chance to fight
a new chance to push limits
a new chance to dream
a new chance to say no
a new chance to say yes
a new chance to create/
​
A new chance to be who we want to be
A new chance to do what we want to do.
​
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BIGGESTXISXUNDERNEATH
To Harrison
I was lost again
Reaching the limits of my darkest fantasies.
When I finally met you.
​
I didn't want to talk to you at first
I was blinded by my darkest thoughts.
And you were not matching my mood.
I got to talk to you a little more
And got to know you a little more
And got addicted to you.
​
You were the perfect match,
And you could have replaced my true lover.
A man, who will stand by my side for a long time,
A man who projects himself with me.
But did you really project yourself with me,
Or with the person you thought I was?
​
I only showed you the surface of my insecurities,
And you couldn't handle it.
Just like a tree that grew in a lake,
Or just like an iceberg,
The biggest part is under.
DROWNXDESIRES
The game of life
What is it ?
This feeling that I have
running all over my skin.
Goosebumps.
It happens only when I do something
uncommon.
It is pleasant but scary at the same time.
Is it because I'm confronting death ?
Why do I have to play with death to feel alive?
But what will left from life if I die ?
ANGELXDEMON
My guardian demon is enjoying himself lately,
I’ve been following his negative words on me,
Suddenly I am hungry, lazy and got a growing belly...
I am too tired to fight
And as if the nature went on his side,
My body is more hairy,
My hair more dry,
And my body more fat.
My large clothes became tight,
My large body became larger and my face paler...
Can’t face myself to the mirror anymore...
Congratulations guardian demon, you’re doing you job right.
STRANGERXKISSEDXTRAIN
LONELYXDARKXSELFXHATEXEMOTIONALXELEVATOR
To my darkself
​
Feb 13th, 2019
Here is your place to express your darkness.
No shadows around you.
You are within a shadow.
Your own shadow.
​
Your tiny room seems bigger in the dark.
Your door locked makes you feel more safe.
Your cover rolled around your body
making you feel taller and thinner.
​
Scrolling your phone screen,
Surfing on instagram,
Looking at these beautiful creatures.
You wished you looked just like them.
​
"What do I need to look perfect
Surgery? Going to the gym?
If I was like this I will totally be confident
I will totally love myself."
​
Weirdly it is too warm under your cover.
Removing your cover, here it is,
this hairy misshaped body
You can feel your double chin holding your head.
​
It is cold, and getting colder,
with company only your Loneliness.
Fastly your bed turns from a safe ship
to an emotional black hole.
​
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LOSTXSELFXLOVE
to myself.
Face the right direction and just walk.
But what if I cannot face a single direction?
It is too hard to choose.
I don't want to choose.
Face the right direction and just walk.
But what if I don't want to face any direction?
Because facing a direction, is facing myself,
Facing my doubts and insecurities.
So I am not going to face any direction.
I am going to walk backward,
I am walking backward,
Stepping on obstacles,
I'm just leaving my body and soul,
Attracted to the ground,
Not because of gravity rules,
But in the name of blind trust,
As if my soul didn't deserve to see.
As if my body was meant to impact with the world,
And not meant to embrace the world.
But who is dictating me
What I worth, what I deserve.
My past isn't an excuse.
Face the right direction and just walk.
What if facing the right direction,
Is facing myself?
Leaving my doubts and insecurities
Fall on the ground,
But keep my head and mind up.
Learn to raise my soul and body
Out of toxicity,
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HOMELESSXLOVE
to Kevin.
I've lost my way towards love
Love is still qualified as my dream destination
Like dreams, It is not real.
But I've found my way to reality
where only my body is interesting
not even its shape, or its color
but the place it gives to a homeless love.
​
I am all yours
my body is all yours
but I'll leave my soul out of it
floating in the corners of the room you rented
staring at you, enjoying yourself with hers
her home, which is your home tonight.
​
​
IAIN'TYOURBABYXFAKEXLOVE
To Mike.
You knew how to talk to me
Your words sounded like a lovely melody
But you keep on singing the same song
verses with the same rhymes
lines with the same end
BABY,
deadline.
​
You look beautiful
BABY,
you are beautiful
BABY,
I love your smile
BABY,
I love your curves
BABY,
You should stay tonight
BABY,
You're staying tonight
BABY,
I missed you call
BABY,
My phone died
BABY,
I am busy this weekend
BABY.
SECUREXLOVE
To Stephan.
Our souls met on a virtual galaxy,
We both got in the same ship.
I am not sure what I was looking for
But I found you and a good friendship.
Through our trip, we grew up together.
Step by step,
From strangers to friends
From friends to best friends
From best friends to soulmates.
​
You want me.
I think I want you too...
I was your first
You were not the first.
but it was the first time that I was feeling Love.
​
You know my dark sides,
You know my mistakes from the past,
You know that I will make mistakes in the future,
but you still here, waiting for me to drop anchor.
​
I know I'll be safe by your side
I know you'll show me respect
I know you'll give me love,
but there is something missing,
I cannot tell what it is,
Because I DO NOT KNOW what it is.